i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
