He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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