it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
