if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
