I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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