We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
