I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize