Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just high enough for therapy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
