Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize