i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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