A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
