My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
