i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
