somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
