i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
