filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
whose ass print is on the piano?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
