i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
