so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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