We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize