I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
