In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize