Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
