See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
