Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
literally had 100 drinks last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
