I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
