I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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