I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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