Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
