I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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