that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
