I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
