i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
