You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
