Acid is not a monday night drug
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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