please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
