Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
