haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
