i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize