Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
