Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
