Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
