Only a mothe r could love this liver
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize