Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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