umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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