That's when you crack a 10am beer
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize