If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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