Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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