When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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