Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
