Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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