My friends, they love my intelligence
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
