so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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