I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
