I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
