Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
