To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
