JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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