oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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