did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
