You really coming over, don't trick.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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