Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
