I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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