just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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