"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
