You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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