I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
