Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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