Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
