I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
