So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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