Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
