People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
