I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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