Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
