a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
