Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
