She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
