Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
