The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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