That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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