Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
