my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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