my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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