Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
