also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
