Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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