the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
