I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
