sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
