Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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