I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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