my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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