i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
