3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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