Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
