when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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