I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
