Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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