i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
