so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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