i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
