There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
