break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
