hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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